Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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