you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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