This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
