Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
