your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
