i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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