Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
