you will always have a special place in my vag
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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