she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
