Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
