alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
