I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
