the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
