so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Enjoy the penises
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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