so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
