Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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