The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
