the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
