I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
