There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
