oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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