someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
