Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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