There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
