Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
