This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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