So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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