i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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