I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
