oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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