Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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