I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is this like a preordered booty call?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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