if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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