We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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