No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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