next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
