There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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