I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
