Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
