I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
