Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
