So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
