i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
