After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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