this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
