God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
