Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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