Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
