I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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