She's JV to your varsity
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
