he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
