I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
