Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
